Where To Meet People Into BDSM?

Here’s a question I recently received from a submissive about meeting new kinky peoples: I’m a new submissive, and I have yet to meet anyone in order to see if this is a lifestyle I would enjoy. Where would be a good place for me to start?

Since this is something I know a lot of you new to this lifestyle seem to face, so I figured I’d give my twopence worth about it. Let’s get started.

Finding Kinky People Can Be A Bitch

If you’re new to this lifestyle, trying to meet people into BDSM, or just kinky in general can be a daunting task, to say the least. This is mainly because most people don’t just come out and say that they are part of this lifestyle, or have an interest in it. And there are a LOT of communities that don’t immediately accept outsiders, as well.

I happen to be one of the people that don’t just come out and say that they are part of this lifestyle, so I totally understand that it be annoying as hell to find people. But unlike when I was brought into this lifestyle, finding others like yourself is a bit easier now.

Where’s a Good Place to Start Looking?

A good place to meet people into BDSM would be to find a munch or similar get-together. You can find these on websites like FetLife, Alt.com, and others. FetLife is probably going to be your best bet, as it’s totally free to use, unlike Alt.com and pretty much every other kink-related website.

At one time I would’ve suggested checking out CollarSpace, as it was at one point THE place to meet people into BDSM. However, the website doesn’t look like it’s been updated since it was started back in 2007. This is likely because it was bought by Alt.com (I say this because when you try to sign up, the site redirects you to Alt.com), who didn’t shut the site down, but did prevent new members from signing up.

Anyway, if you happen to open an account on FetLife, you can find me at @RajanDominari. or follow @DominantDesires. Just sayin’.

Once you’ve found your kinky group of potential homies, I would also suggest that you look for a mentor in your area. A good mentor should be able to answer most of the questions you likely have.

An Unsolicited PSA About Mentors

Just remember that in looking finding a mentor, there are loads of predators, wannabe dominants, plain-ass creepy mo-fos, and the like on the site that will try to play with you, shag you, or develop some sort of dynamic with you, under the guise of being your mentor. This is especially true for submissives who are new to BDSM, as they probably have no idea of what to expect, and thus, easily led. However, this is NOT what a mentor’s role entails.

A mentor’s role is simply to guide you in finding your way in this lifestyle, and possibly develop a friendship from it. That’s IT — nothing more. Anyone that does otherwise, or says differently, is one of the predators, wannabes, or plain-ass creepy mo-fos I just mentioned.

In Conclusion

Honestly speaking, if you keep your wits about you, you should be just fine. But if you still have questions, I’ve written a few articles, and have some podcasts that might help you a bit. You can check out the links below:

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps.