Q: My dom is more into pain than I am. I want to be able to take more to make him happy. I also really like seeing the bruises and marks after, but I have a hard time making it through spankings and things to get them. Any advice on how to handle the pain better?
A: Pain tolerance is something you’ll need to build up over a long period of time. There are tricks, like deep breathing, repeating a mantra, and repeating in your head that this is for your Dominant. Think of it like exercising. You can’t expect to run a marathon without training, and the same thing goes when wanting to handle pain. At the core of it all, pain is a stressor and form of trauma. You may not ever get to the point of enjoying the sensation, but you can most certainly get to the point of tolerating it better.
Personally, I used to distract my submissive when we would play, which I found was worse for her than focusing on the sensation — which is something that she needed to get to sub-space. So, while I don’t do that much anymore with her, I still think that it works pretty well in general.
I would also suggest trying different kinds of pain play, if you can. Perhaps you’re just sensitive to stingy pain, but you might enjoy thuddy pain more. There could possibly be a specific toy you like, because your body responds to it more. In the end, it’s up to your Dominant as to how you play, but it’s something you definitely might consider bringing up.
Finally, I suggest that you just be patient with yourself and your body while learning how to handle pain better — You’ll get there. Good luck!
