How to Be a Good submissive

So you love nothing more than being bent over and spanked senseless on a Sunday afternoon, hm? That’s awesome, you’ve identified your role, you’re sticking with it, and you’re all ready to be a submissive, right?

But wait… There’s more to being a good submissive than just letting someone do whatever they want with them. Submissives are strong in their willingness to completely give their safety and well-being over to another person. They – in a sense – possess as much power as their Dominant.

And like Spider-Man, with this power comes great responsibility.

Good submissives learn to exercise their power in a way that befits their role – they learn that there is a definitive strength in being a submissive.

This all starts with comes first in the choosing – a good submissive should choose a better Dominant or play partner. A good submissive shouldn’t play with anyone who only seeks to belittle or undermine them. They should only give themselves to Dominants that have shown themselves to even be worth their submission. They will always safeguard their own health and well-being and won’t be reprimanded for not wanting to put themselves into unsafe situations. They will choose Dominants that both complement and challenge their own roles, which will allow them to truly grow as a submissive – which is a very beautiful thing.

Most submissives – especially those new to this lifestyle – believe that the Dominant is the only one responsible for the well-being of the submissive when they play. It’s not – because like any other relationship (yes even vanilla ones), this is a two-way street. A Dominant should be someone that they respect and aspire to, and someone that can – no matter how intense things become – be in control of a situation.

Submissives also play an important role in ensuring everyone’s safety and enjoyment, by making sure that their Dominant is always made aware of both their emotional, physical and mental states. In addition, if they have any triggers, physical vulnerabilities or complications, or any boundaries that they feel should not be pushed under any circumstances, these should all be made clear early on. Dominants, while intuitive, are NOT mind readers. Communication is key.

Along with their Dominant, a good submissive should be taking care of their own mental stability. They should not want to be a submissive because they’re waiting for someone to save them, or because they want to allow a Dominant to save themselves by using them. Real life is not like Fifty Shades of Grey. BDSM as a whole is an experience that should be comforting, fun, thrilling and – orgasmic, in most cases. And if becoming a submissive is something that someone is entering into with any reservations, then they should give it some serious thought — as they probably shouldn’t enter into that role at all.

There are a ton of resources for a submissive at any stage to help them understand more of their role. Now if you’re absolutely new to this lifestyle, there are several books out there that would be a good place to start. I might actually write about what these are in another article, but in the meantime, you should definitely look into them. But if you’ve been in our lifestyle a long time, then why not take a workshop? You’ll likely learn things that will help you to express yourself and grow as a submissive, and as a better person altogether.

Now, with all this said… bend over.