For many people, using restraints, and/or being bound by them, are unquestionably appealing concepts. It’s a tantalising thought to have something you desperately want or want to feel right in front of you, only to be denied the opportunity to fully experience it, if at all. You’re bound, kept in place, made to hold your writhing body back from absolutely bursting with desire until you’re on the verge of dying of it… then you’re allowed to just let yourself go.
While I personally use leather cuffs and rope as my body binding method, today I’ll be focusing on using handcuffs.
Handcuffs are an EXCELLENT way to experiment with restraints in your foreplay and shag sessions, and you’ve probably seen or heard of the topic before as part of BDSM. For anyone who wants to ease into it, sex-friendly handcuffs are a kinky, but non-intimidating way to get started in the world of BDSM play sessions or bondage.
And, while handcuffs may appear to be self-explanatory at first glance — because most people think that using handcuffs during sex begins and ends with shagging whilst one partner is restrained — there are a few things you should be aware of before using them.
I’ve decided to help you out a bit with this, so let’s get started.
Establishing Trust & Boundaries
To begin, introducing an item that gives one partner authority over the other creates an imbalance in the bedroom, so you’ll need to talk to your partner about it before buying a pair of handcuffs. Discuss what you both hope to gain from the experience, as well as who will be the cuffer and cuffee.
To begin, introducing an item that gives one partner authority over the other creates an imbalance in the bedroom, so talk it over with your partner before buying a pair of handcuffs. Discuss who will be the cuffer and cuffee, as well as your expectations for the experience.
Waitaminnit. Cuffer and cuffee? Should it be cuffed? I’m pretty sure it’s cuffed. Anyway, moving on…
Trust and communication are absolutely in any relationship, ESPECIALLY in BDSM dynamics. So you’re going to need to establish safewords, boundaries, and limits, which I talk about later. It’s important to have an open conversation with your partner about the things you’re comfortable with doing, especially when bondage play is involved.
Choosing Your Particular Method of Cuffage
Like any other item you want to bring into your relationship, you should definitely do a bit of research in order to find the best type of cuffs for both you and your partner. I would suggest that you and your partner should go shopping for handcuffs together, and look at all of the different types available, before deciding which ones to buy. Searching together helps to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page as you begin your new sexual adventure, and it also acts as a build-up to the fun you’ll have once you start using the cuffs.
One thing to keep in mind is that not all cuffs are created equal. From the countless options on the market, first-timers—or even seasoned cuff-users—should choose the most comfortable handcuffs. Start with something that doesn’t require a key to unlock, instead of the chrome metal police-style handcuffs, like a pair of sex toy-style handcuffs, such as adjustable buckle cuffs or flexible silicone cuffs, because they’re far more comfortable for beginners.
You could also look into pleasure ties or rope cuffs with sliding knots. They can be easily put on and removed, making them a fantastic first choice because you can wiggle your wrists to loosen them if they are too tight during sex.
Start Slow and Upgrade Later
Now, you may be wondering why I don’t suggest starting out with traditional handcuffs. The reason is that, while you may want to use something that looks like ‘the real thing,’ they aren’t really designed with comfort in mind. For example, the metal handcuffs sold on most sex toy websites are usually very poor quality, and they may leave your wrists bruised or even lacerated.
Furthermore, you could also lose the key whilst shagging (because not paying attention is a thing), so my suggestion would be to just avoid them for a bit.
Now, if your first few sessions using simple cuffs or ties seem to be exceeding your expectations, you might consider upgrading to a high-quality pair of chrome metal handcuffs for you and your partner at that point.
Establishing Limits and Choosing a Safeword.
Before you start doing ANYTHING, make sure you agree on a safeword that the cuffed person can say if their partner goes overboard. You can even use two safewords: one to indicate that the dominant partner should stop immediately, and another to indicate that they can continue, but are reaching a limit.
I wrote an article a while back about coming up with safewords. You should totally check it out.
IMPORTANT: SAY NO TO DRUGS. ERM… FOR NOW!
Before using handcuffs (or anything for that matter), I absolutely recommend prohibiting any drinking or drug use. The combination of alcohol and most sex toys — especially one that locks around a person’s wrist or ankle — can be dangerous, and you don’t want to end up in the emergency room or be the cause of someone ending up in one. That’s an EASY way to lose play partners, or be able to get new ones. Because as I mentioned in a previous article, word travels quickly in most communities — especially about unsafe people.
Getting Started
You or your partner must clearly state what position (or plural) you want to be in whilst wearing the cuffs, before you even put them on. A good way to begin is on your back with your hands bound over your head. From there, you have a lot of options. From Missionary and cowgirl, to sensual spooning and 69-ing, this is the perfect time to use the handcuffs to explore and tantalise your partner’s body, trying out positions that are complex and erotic, and make it hard to snap out of — pun totally intended. You can even add a blindfold to further restrict their ability to interact, putting them even more at the mercy of your desires.
In Conclusion
Well, that’s all from me for now! Just remember to take it slow, making sure you feel comfortable with your partner being bound, or your being bound by them. Because you’re guaranteed to have a GREAT time if you do. Have fun!
