In this day and age, most of us will be involved in a long-distance BDSM relationship at some point. Especially with people finding and becoming involved with people on sites like FetLife, Match.com and others.
I’ve been asked a few times about how to handle long-distance BDSM relationships as I’ve been in more than a few of them with my submissives. So I’ve decided to talk a bit about it, and hopefully, it helps you out a bit. Let’s get started.
Communication is Key
To start, communicating with your partner and keeping up with how your partner is feeling – via computer, on the phone, by letters, or carrier pigeon – is a VERY important thing in any long-distance relationship.
- Phone calls are also a HUGE help. Having a verbal connection with your partner will reinforce your relationship.
- Emails on a routine basis, sharing even the smallest bits of your life, lets your partner know that you are thinking of them.
Now, I’m not saying that you’ve to talk for hours on end every damned day, because… Who really has time for that? But it’s important nonetheless.
And communication isn’t a one-sided thing, either. If your partner isn’t putting as much effort into finding out how you’re doing, then that’s something you should take note of and address. Because… fuck that.
Things to Do
Now, while all long-distance relationships are not long-term, you’ve still to prepare for that. For instance, if your partner is only going on holiday alone, or to see a sick relative for a brief time and you’re not with them.
If you’re wondering what you can do with your partner in a long-distance BDSM relationship, here are a few suggestions. You can find small rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life that remind you of your partner. Or you can keep a daily log with notes to your partner, which will help ease the time apart.
Assignments like these will serve as a reminder of your connection to your partner, and keep your relationship a focus, as you deal with other aspects of your life.
If It Ain’t For You
A lot of us meet partners online that are interested in BDSM. This isn’t really an ideal place to meet – especially if you’re wanting a physical connection with a potential partner. One thing that a lot of people don’t like to think about is the fact that they are not able to maintain a long-distance relationship. This is even more true when there is a genuine attraction between them and the other person.
If you come to the realisation that a long-distance relationship isn’t your thing, you really need to be honest with your partner (or potential partner) about it – especially if you find that trying to maintain the relationship is more stressful than it is pleasurable.
It takes a lot of courage to decide that you can’t handle this type of relationship, and even more courage to tell them about it.
A Few Things to Consider
- How much time and energy you are willing to put into your long-distance relationship?
- Are you able to communicate your needs and have these needs met by your partner?
- Can you be satisfied with seeing your partner only a few times a year or possibly never, especially if you have an online-only relationship?
In Conclusion
Could a long-distance relationship work? Maybe, but it takes a LOT of effort, and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Most people in this lifestyle are very sensory persons – which wouldn’t be ideal for either party if this is what they’re wanting, and live too far from the other person.
With this said, being in a long-distance BDSM relationship takes a lot of work and trust in your partner which could be well worth it, if it’s what you decide upon.
So, have you ever been in a long-distance BDSM relationship? Have you been interested in getting into one? What were your experiences? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.
Pretty thin. I was hoping for more actual suggestions