A Brat Tamer is NOT a Real Thing

Here’s a question I got from a submissive, who’s apparently having some issues with her boyfriend, a wannabe Dominant who calls himself a brat tamer (smh). Check it out:

Me and my boyfriend got into an argument and he just kept being meaner and meaner. He calls himself a 100% brat tamer but he punishes me for no reason even when I just want to be submissive. He doesn’t like when I’m submissive because he says it’s boring.

I tried being more bratty by just being a little sassy, and now he is constantly calling me names and I’ve told him when he calls me names like stupid and ninny it really hurts my feelings and it’s not okay. He never said he wanted to stop he just went straight to insults when he got upset. said there was a difference between being a brat then being a bitch, but this isn’t the first time he’s called me names.

He is into breath play, bondage, of course, he’s into latex, leather and degradation, and he likes to be a brat too. I told him I’d be down for latex or leather just not hoods and I wouldn’t be interested in breath play unless it’s just his hand as he could then read the situation, I don’t trust bags and stuff like that and would not do it. I told him I’m not interested in chastity at all and he brought it up yesterday too, even though I told him that’s a hard pass, I don’t know what to do.

Should I dump him? If we’ve talked about this before and I told him it upsets me?

Well… Yes. Yes you should. But instead of just tossing that out there like that, I’m gonna tell you why I said this. Although, I’m sure you knew I was going to do that. right? Okay, let’s get started.

Brat Tamers are NOT a Thing

You mention that he calls himself a 100% brat tamer, and to this I say, BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Da fuk is that? Oh yeah, a brat tamer is one of those stupid titles that some idiot somewhere made up to fit into a space they didn’t belong, and it caught on with other like-minded idiots. Kinda like the whole brat title. And just in case you’ve never heard my thoughts on brats, a brat is a state of being for someone already in a submissive role, and not the name of the submissive role itself, or a fucking title.

I’ll say this again: Brats only started becoming a thing because (and this is no immediate offence to yours or anyone’s dynamic)…

• People who were new to this lifestyle didn’t know that it’s just a kink, and no one corrected them (likely because they didn’t know themselves).
• FetLife made it a fucking option to gain more eyes in front of their advertisers (the same can be said about their ‘assist’ in the influx of Daddy Dominants (ugh) over the past few years).
• The Dominant (ish) partners these people had wanted to have an excuse to not properly take care of their partners, by letting them act a complete twat, whilst saying ‘oh, you’re being a brat, you gon’ get it later!’
• The aforementioned Dominant (ish) partners really have no clue as to what being a Dominant entails, nor do their submissive (ish) partners.

So… Much… Wrong.

From your message, there is SO much wrong with everything you mentioned. So much in fact, I’m not even sure of where to I should even start. So… I’ll just start at the beginning.

You say that he’s punishing you for no reason. Now, this is a bit of a double-edged sword, because if he’s punishing you for something that was already known to be punishable (meaning it was something that was previously discussed in some way), then, you unfortunately had it coming.

If anything, dynamics that involve a submissive acting a complete twat, are a bedroom-only thing, because no true Dominant would ever put up with that shit outside of that.

However, if he’s just punishing you for the sake of punishing you, or the punishment doesn’t fit the crime, this is an example of a Dominant abusing the ability to punish their submissive, which is wrong, and should never be tolerated.

A Bratty Dominant? Da fuk is that?

To continue, you mentioned HIS being a brat. What the fuck is THAT about? True Dominants are never brats. I mentioned my thoughts on brats a moment ago, as this is not a welcome trait in a true submissive. But a bratty Dominant? Puh-fucking-leeeze. Does this even sound like it makes the slightest bit of sense? And before ANY of you try to come at me with your BDSM is evolving, BDSM is subjective (which is kinda true), or BDSM is whatever the fuck else you want to convince yourself of… I’ll politely tell you to fuck off, and talk to me after you’ve had a chat with someone that knows what the hell they’re talking about — and has been part of this lifestyle since at least 1997. Good luck with that, btw.

Okay, mini-rant over.

Moving on, you also say that he doesn’t like when you’re submissive because he says it’s boring. So I’m not gonna lie, this is the FIRST time I’ve ever heard anything like this said… By ANYONE. Mainly because it’s stupid.

First of all, submissives ACT submissive. It’s LITERALLY in their title. Second, if he’s calling himself a Dominant (and truth be told, he’s probably the ONLY person calling him this), then Dominants HAVE submissives. If not, then they’re just a Top, and should only be exuding this as an occasional dynamic, not a constant one. And finally, if he (supposedly) is the one MAKING the bloody rules, and shaping your form of submission, he’s really just boring himself, right?

Limit Breaks Only Work in Final Fantasy

From what you’ve said, it seems like you’ve discussed your hard limits, yet he continues to break them (which can happen on VERY small occasion, but should never) or keeps trying to pressure you into doing something you’re saying that you’re not into (there’s a huge difference between pushing and pressuring).

Regarding the degradation, he’s either into degradation, or believes he should be, which would explain why he’s calling you names. But with this said, you’ve clearly told him that calling you names hurts your feelings, and degradation is a hard limit of yours, and he’s doing it anyways. There are ways to let someone know they’re doing something wrong or unsatisfactorily, without resorting to name-calling (unless you’re a child).

Nothing he’s doing sounds remotely kink-related, and he simply seems to enjoy being a dick.

Here’s something I think you should give some serious thought: Is this person really (and I mean REALLY) someone you can actually trust in a dynamic, or someone you would even want as a leader?

Anyway, if this is something you want with him (and I’ve no sodding clue why you would), you need to have a conversation, and make your limits clear. If being called names/punished for no reason is a limit and he continues to ignore your limits, then you should seriously tell his sorry brat tamer ass to be gone.

In Conclusion

Ultimately, you two are incompatible as partners, and there are a couple of reasons I say this. The first is because it sounds like he has little experience in this lifestyle, with his concept of and ideas about BDSM and kink somewhat polluted, possibly by pornography. And second, it seems like instead of having an actual conversation, he starts acting like a fucking twat. Again, based on this, you should SERIOUSLY tell his sorry brat tamer (smh) ass to be gone.

I hope this helps.