Dealing with Financial Abuse from Your Dominant

Here’s a question I got from a submissive who’s having some issues with her Dominant, who seems to be using her to up his tribute game, be Pimp of the Year, or is trying his hand at financial domination, which is a different thing altogether. Personally, this is financial abuse. But check out her question:

Q: My Dominant asked me to give him a certain amount of money by a specific time. My friends say that I shouldn’t be giving him my money, but if not he will punish me. I have tried talking to him about it but he says he needs it for debts. What should I do?

Okay, let me start by asking, is this guy your Dominant or your pimp? Because these are NOT the same thing. But I’m just going to assume for the sake of argument, that he’s your Dominant.

Now, there are only a few instances where this would be even remotely okay:

• You negotiated this before/when you became his submissive.
• ‎You helped create the debt he’s talking about.
• ‎You live together.
• He is in fact, your pimp.

If none of these things is a factor, then this is financial abuse, and you need to kick his lame arse to the curb and move on.

As far as his threatening to punish you if you don’t give him money, I’m pretty sure that this falls under emotional, physical, and financial abuse, none of which is behaviour that befits a Dominant – but a predatory nightmare. And no submissive needs that in their life.

If he were an actual Dominant, he would know that.

Being Helpful is Fine. Being a Crutch isn’t.

There is nothing wrong with helping your Dominant on occasion. However, you’re not supposed to be used as a crutch, let alone be threatened to be one. Any MAN worth his salt should want to do better. Even if they can’t, the want, desire, and ambition should be present. If he doesn’t display this in a provable way, then you need to kick his lame arse to the curb and move on.

And yes, I’m implying that he’s not really a man.

So your friends are absolutely right, you shouldn’t be giving him anything – especially if it’s become stressful for you. Remember that it’s YOUR money that YOU earned, and you don’t HAVE to give him anything.

Now, I understand that people fall on hard financial times, which makes people say or do some pretty dodgy shit. However, that’s no excuse for what this guy is doing.

To sum all of this up, he’s an abusive twat, that will likely do nothing more than sponge your pockets dry, and end things when you can’t give him anything.

Don’t tell yourself that he asked you to do anything — he told you to do it. And like I said before, no submissive needs that in their life, and you can do so much better than that.

Ultimately, this guy is NOT worth your time, and is keeping you from finding a Dominant that is. As difficult as it may or may not be, you need to tell him fuck no, fuck off, kick his lame arse to the curb, and move on.

In Conclusion

Look, financial abuse is a real thing, which is what’s going on with your partner. And it’s relatively easy to go from simply being helpful, to being taken advantage of. This is something that can happen to anyone, especially if they care about the other person. But I’ve found that it happens to a lot of newer submissives because in most cases, they believe it’s part of their submission.

Here are some other articles that you might want to check out:

• Submissive Frenzy and Abusive Dominants
• Dealing with a Fake Dominant
• Being Dominant vs. Domineering
• On Emotionally Abusive Relationships

One more thing: If he’s becoming violent at ALL, you need to get the police involved, and don’t be afraid to do so, either. If you need to chat with someone, you can also visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Hope this helps.