We can all get caught up with the overwhelming feelings of happiness when meeting someone new. A combination of chemicals in our brain — which include Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins — tell us that we are overly happy. While these chemicals can bring about an intoxicating sense of euphoria, you have to remain alert at all times.
We all run a risk to our safety when we meet somebody new, whether Dominant or submissive. And it’s always better to be prepared and safe, especially for submissives that are meeting a Dominant for the first time. But how do you do that? What preventative steps can you take? In no particular order, here are 10 things that you can do to stay safe when meeting a potential Dominant:
1. Develop a safe-call.
This is an arrangement that you will make with a friend or relative to check in with them whenever you meet somebody new.
2. Do your homework.
Have their name, number, a photo and anything else that can be helpful in identifying your date. Give this information to a friend or relative that is your safe call.
3. Set up safety phrases with your safe call.
Having a safety phrase will alert them if you’re safe or in danger. In addition, these phrases should not be obvious or alert your date of any possible distress.
4. Tell your safe call where you will be going
If possible, include the address and number of the venue and how long you plan on being there.
5. ALWAYS drive yourself.
This allows you to have some sense of control. While giving you an out if needed.
6. NEVER go somewhere private
Make sure that the place is public and well-lit.
7. Contact your safe call upon arrival
Continue to have check-ins throughout the date (A real Dominant will understand this importance)
8. Do NOT play on the first date.
It takes a lot to trust somebody and you can’t fully trust somebody you have never met in person before.
9. NEVER leave your drinks or meal unattended
Not even to use the restroom
10. Pay attention to RED flags.
If red flags are continuously coming up, this is not the person for you, and you should leave.
Bonus: Changing Locations
If you plan on changing locations make sure that your safe call is notified of when and where you are going. When you are leaving the current venue, ETA, and when you arrive let them know you are safe.
Now, while this may all sound a bit scary, it’s not meant to make you uptight or fearful, it’s simply to keep you safe.
By the way, if you can take somebody along and have them sit at a distance without alerting your date, that would be much safer than going alone. Have a great time.
As a new, single sub whom is venturing out into the BDSM dating pool, I find this extremely helpful. I feel dating is already a risky business and add a propensity for naughtier than usual behavior and I could see liberties being taken and things escalating fairly quickly. I want nothing to jade or ruin the jubilation I feel in my newfound submission and appreciate any tips on protecting myself while I find what I’m looking for, which in essence, is myself.
Thank you for your compliment, Niki! You’re absolutely correct, there is I’ve heard a ton of stories about predators, claiming to be Dominants, that proceed to do untoward things to newer submissives, as they don’t yet know what to look out for.
I’m glad that you found my article useful. If you have questions, feel free to send me a message.